To Say Goodbye
by Hopeless Dreamer28
Summary: SPOILER WARNING- This is it. Her luck has finally run out. She can't believe it's going to end like this. She's survived being locked in a freezer, a bullet to the heart, almost drowning, only to die at the hands of a bomb. Pre Ep for Still


**A/N- This came to me after watching the canadian promo for 5x22 Still so spoiler free people do not read any further everyone else continue on. Thanks as always goes out to my amazing Beta DMarx**

**Disclaimer- I Do Not Own Castle**

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_She wants to put her arms around his neck,  
And look in his eyes so blue,  
And say Honey I don't regret,  
A single day I spent with you,_

_To Say Goodbye- Joey+Rory_

This is it. Her luck has finally run out. She can't believe it's going to end like this. She's survived being locked in a freezer, a bullet to the heart, almost drowning, only to die at the hands of a bomb.

She lowers her head, blinking back the tears welling up in her eyes that threaten to spill over the edges at any moment. She will not cry now.

She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She swallows the lump in her throat, drawing in a shaky breath. "Castle," she finally manages to get out. "There are some things-"Her voice begins to waver and she stops to control it. "I want you to know."

"Kate stop." He says, raising a hand. "Whatever it is, you can tell me tonight."

She looks up at him then. "Castle you and I both know that I'm not making it out of here." Her voice is devoid of emotion, as though that is the only way to cope with the current reality.

"Kate don't-"he shoots back, shaking his head at her, his voice faltering.

"Rick please-" she pleads, her voice cracking.

He shuts his mouth and their eyes meet and he can see just how scared she is. The pain in her eyes breaks his heart. And he wants nothing more than to reach out and grab her and hold her tight and tell her everything is going to be all right.

"A year after my mom's murder," she begins, voice barely above a whisper, "I was drowning. But then I stumbled upon one of your books while in a bookstore. _In A Hail of Bullets. _That book was a life raft. It pulled me up, it saved me. After that, I bought all of your books. I even once stood in line for three hours just to meet you and have you sign my book." The memory of that day brings a smile to her face.

Castle just stands there, eyes wide, staring at her, mouth gaped open at her confession. He tries to remember her, but he just draws a blank. He knows there is no possible way for him to remember every single person he has ever met at a book signing, but surely he would have remembered her.

"I can't believe I don't remember that."

"It was a long time ago, Castle. There's no way you could remember that."

They grow quiet then, neither one knowing what to say. She has so much she wants to tell him but doesn't even know where to begin. All she knows is that time is running out. That it's now or never and she can't waste what precious minutes she has left.

She slowly closes her eyes before speaking. "I'm sorry for lying to you. For not calling." She says, opening her eyes and looking over at him.

"Kate." He pleads with her now, not wanting her to give up. Or maybe it's because he doesn't want to face the reality of this situation. She ignores him though, and continues.

"There were times when I picked up the phone, and I would scroll to your number, but I never could hit send. I would just wind up staring at your number for what seemed like hours." She stops as she fights back the tears. "When I came back to the city, I went over to your place, I stood outside your building for an hour trying to muster up the courage to go inside, but I never could. I was afraid of how you would react, so I left." She pauses for a moment and suddenly her mind drifts to thoughts about her father and what this will do to him. "Tell my father I love him. And promise me you'll look after him. Make sure he doesn't turn to the bottle again." She waits for him to say something but he just stands there, frozen in place. "Rick, promise me." She pleads.

The use of his first name and the way her voice cracks rips his heart in two, and he releases a long drawn out sigh "I promise." He answers her flatly.

She glances up at the clock on the wall, sees she has ten more minutes before the bomb goes off. "I want you to know that this past year has been one of the best years of my life. I haven't been this happy in years. Not since well before my mom's murder."

Finally he can no longer stand by and let her give up like this, "Kate, listen to me. They are going to disable this bomb and we are going to walk out of here. Then we're going to go home and have a glass of wine and have some celebratory sex." He says, a note of desperation creeping into his voice

She looks at him then her lips curve into a small smile. He always has known what to say to make her smile; she tries to laugh but chokes and it comes out half on a laugh, half on a sob. But then the smile fades away. "We had a good run." she says softly. "It's time to say goodbye though."

"I'm not leaving you Kate." His eyes glisten with unshed tears, desperate need to remain strong for her.

"Dammit Castle, don't be stupid. This bomb is going to go off."

He doesn't budge. There is no way in hell he is leaving, not now.

She grows irritated at his stubbornness, "Castle think about Alexis, she needs her father. I know what it like is to lose a parent at her age. Don't make her go through that." She rasps as she glances up at the clock once again. Five minutes until detonation. "Go. Please go. Get out of here!" she begs her voice wavering.

He looks at her, sees the desperation in her eyes. Damn her for bringing his daughter into this. Alexis has only recently begun to finally heal from her ordeal of being kidnapped and to lose her father now… he knows it would destroy her, and he can't do that to her. He drops his head, his eyes slipping closed, his shoulders sagged. He stays like that for a moment before he brings his head up their eyes lock once more. There's a halfhearted smile on her face and he tries to say something but the words don't come. He forces a smile onto his face then simply turns and reluctantly heads for the door.

"Castle!" she calls out, and he stops and turns back toward her. "I love you." She says simply with a small smile. It's in this moment that she wishes she could pull him into her embrace, feel the warmth of his body against hers one last time. She always felt safe in his arms.

He smiles back at her then turns and walks out the door. As the door clicks closed and she is alone, she finally lets the tears that she has been holding back fall. Her head drops back as she looks up at the ceiling and she closes her eyes and waits for the inevitable.

Castle makes his way out of the building trance- like, the world around him a blur. He thinks he hears someone calling his name, Esposito maybe? He doesn't acknowledge them, though. He makes his way to her car and sinks down onto the hood, his shoulders slouched forward, his head hanging low. A single tear rolls down his cheek. He stays like this, for how long he doesn't know, but then suddenly from the haze of his thoughts he thinks he hears her voice.

But it can't be. She was standing on a bomb. He has to be hallucinating.

"Castle!" she calls out as she exits the building, her eyes searching desperately for him. He looks up then and catches sight of her. At first he thinks it isn't real, just some cruel joke his mind is playing on him. He blinks and blinks again before realizing that it isn't.

Before he knows it he's off the car sprinting towards her, their bodies suddenly colliding as he wraps his arms tightly around her.

"Oh God Castle," She says breathlessly "The team was somehow able to diffuse the bomb," she says as tears stream down her cheeks, relief flooding through her. He cries too as he squeezes her tightly, so thankful she is alive. She brings her hands up to cup his face and captures his lips with hers in a long slow kiss. He is pretty sure Gates is watching but he doesn't care, and judging by her actions, or lack thereof, she doesn't either.

All that matters is that she is here and she is alive.

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Thoughts?


End file.
